Dear diary…,

Happy new year. I haven’t made any entry in a long while. I can’t wait to tell you what I have been up to….I have a date tonight.(I know right?!) I picked out two dresses and three sets of accessories. I can’t pick an adjective for how I feel though. But I do not have butterflies in my tummy like I did 20yrs ago when Charlie and I went to the Ritz on our first date.

The black dress makes me look at least two years younger. I might as well take a break from wearing black today. Besides, Paul knows my actual age. Yes. Paul. (Shy smile). I met him three months ago when he moved into Carla’s old house(remember Carla? She’s not modeling now though but at least she’s out of Notting Hill. she and Jonas moved to Manchester to be with her sick mother). And he’s been trying ever since to get me to have dinner with him. Last week he came to borrow a cup of sugar. I couldn’t let him in. No one’s been in d house since “black spring” and I have tried to keep everything the same. It was awkward and somewhat rude to leave him standing in the snow because I was ashamed of the state of the house. We have a lot to talk about, Paul and me. He is a widower. He didn’t get to meet my family and I didn’t get to meet his. We have so many stories. In a way, he’s helping me heal and I am starting to keep the promise I made to my family to keep living. I talk about their lives more than their death.

I cleaned out the house from sheer embarrassment from the awkward sugar episode. So I guess, I do owe him dinner for his efforts and its on him. As I put more blush on my cheeks, I think back on how much I’ve grown in the past two years. I can feel the sting in my eyes. But I’m goin to save the tears for Spring. I should make some new year resolutions. Maybe, Charlie and the kids sent Paul to me…maybe, I have another chance at life. Maybe…I should stop with the “maybe”s.

That’s the sound of the doorbell. Must be Paul. Wish me luck!

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